the-absolute-funniest-posts:
“Quite possibly the best/worst fortune cookie fortune ever.
”

the-absolute-funniest-posts:

Quite possibly the best/worst fortune cookie fortune ever.

(via root-beer-riku)



goldensweetcheeks:

m–ood:

Headshot.

Holyshit

(via coastingvibes)


sodomymcscurvylegs:

Story Time: in 2012, when I still lived in Florida, I used to work for a credit union, and I had the absolute worst manager and assistant manager. They were sloppy, lazy, and offloaded their work onto other people. No biggie; I’m grown and I can handle my job and not stress because I’m damned good at it. Problem: the manager and assistant manager, who happened to be best friends in real life, also happen to be very, very conservative older women. I’m talking like, hardcore conservative Christians, the kind who are not very good people and are very unlike Christ. I don’t make it a point to tell people I work with my business because when you work, you’re busy and you don’t want to burden other people, right? At least, I don’t. Subject of my love life comes up after a while of me staying in my lane, and I’m also not a liar, so I casually mention that I happen to be gay and I’m dating someone at the time.

The change in my managers was almost immediate. From that point on they tried their utmost to make my life miserable, but I wasn’t going to break. Fast forward about a month after this mess and one of the tellers, Tanika, and I have become really good friends, and she pulls me aside one Monday morning to tell me that she overheard the manager and assistant manager talking about firing me, and she didn’t want to get too involved, but she didn’t think it was fair so she wnated to give me a headsup. Here’s the best part: these asshats are SO lazy that they literally say - or so Tanika tells me- that they’ll wait for the end of the week to do it, because otherwise they would have no one to cover my Wednesday shift, and they’d have to sit on the teller line, and no siree Bob, they’re too good for that! Too important! Too. Fucking. Lazy.

Immediately I type up a two week notice at my station, print that shit out, and take it to that sloppy ass manager in her sloppy ass office. They have no receipts on me, but these people will find anything and use it to get rid of you if they can, and I’m not having a forcible termination on my record and dealing with how that will look to future employers. Keep in mind that I’m not supposed to know that they’re planning on firing me, and I’ve done my homework on company policy about two week notices (they had just changed it in January, and it was February). I give her the paper, sit in front of her, tell her some cock and bull story about needing more time for school. She looks upset, tells me to leave the letter, and go back to my station. I pull out a second copy of the letter and say: “Sure! But, first, I need your signature on this one, which is my copy of the two week notice.” Her face was a Goddamned mask at this point, but I could tell she was burning up inside. She’s trapped; she has to either sign it and pretend everything is fine, or she refuses and I go in on her for her “suspicious behavior” and call her higher ups. She signs my copy. I go back and finish my day.

Day ends and the assistant manager comes to me and tells me they have spoken to the president of the credit union and they have decided to terminate me anyway. Tells me I need to turn in my drawer and vault keys immediately and leave the premises. I refuse; “I’m not leaving until we count my drawer down together, I have a printed and signed copy of my balance, and you have signed paperwork confirming that I have given you all keys back.” She has no choice. I walk out with all necessary paperwork, get home, and immediately email the credit union president telling him what happened and how I think it’s utterly unprofessional for an employer to behave this way. He calls me the next day to my personal phone, and tells me the manager and assistant manager both told him I had quit on the spot and walked out without so much as a goodbye. I tell him I have a signed two week notice from the manager, because this sloppy ho can’t even keep own story together for five minutes. He tells me to photocopy it and email it to him. I do. Tells me he is going to have a discussion with the manager and call me back ASAP. Calls me back, apologizes profusely, and tells me that I shouldn’t have been treated as such, so he offers to pay me for the two weeks I had give notice for, ON TOP of an extra two weeks of compensation, and I didn’t even have to show up to the branch anymore. He was paying me a full month for no work to make up for the situation.

First paycheck comes in, and I put on my best outfit. Pick out the hottest shit in my closet that says: “I look incredible” but also “I have free time and you don’t” and “enjoy working here while I get paid while napping at the beach,” and I walk my happy little ass into that bank to pick up my paycheck like:

image

Happily greet the manager and assistant manager, who are both there like:

image

Say hello to my friend Tanika, who is at the teller line like:

image

Enjoying the fuck out of this show, right? Like, she can’t say it out loud, but she’s fucking living for this goddamned circus and it’s written all over her face!

I talk to her and loudly tell her how amazing it feels to have four weeks off with pay, and how polite and nice the bank president is. 

Then I walk my happy little ass out of the bank like:

image


But not before saying bye to the manager and assistant manager and reminding them that I’ll be back in two weeks to pick up my next check, “probably right before I head to Key Largo for the weekend.” 

…and that’s the story of how I once absolutely wrecked two people who thought they could use their positions of power to come for me unfairly, and a story I’ll be telling my grandchildren so they know, as grandpa knew on one February morning of 2012, that you take bullshit from absolutely no one.

(via coastingvibes)


davykesey:
“ Afternoon reading
”

davykesey:

Afternoon reading

(via solarpunkfashionreview)


Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
Rumi
(via minuty)

(via amargedom)



aemeonmythen:

thepastelcalavera:

doctormermaid:

mymildmanneredalterego:

evilguacamole:

wicked-yarn:

tuxedomask3:

thechronicleofshe:

queer-lana-orgasm:

bayocake:

It’s not just men who think they are entitled to sex or a woman’s body. 

Consent is needed every time, no matter what the relationship is

shes terrifying, 

What the actual fuck?

Wow she’s scary.

You’re no feminist if this doesn’t bother you, that you don’t see the rape vibes here. Women can and do rape men. They use force, they use words, they can manipulate- just like men do. And it is just as wrong.

No means no, friends. Gender does not matter. No. Means. No.

You don’t need a reason to not want sex. No is a complete sentence.

No matter who you are, no matter what your gender, YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO ANYONE’S BODY

Wtf is wrong with her? If I was dating her I’d dump her ass even if I wasn’t ace.

(via squeaky)


karethdreams:

agentumbls:

an-gremlin:

humoristics:

The thing with statistics - via

Numbers don’t lie but people can sure as fuck pick and choose the numbers they give you and phrase things to make them sound like they mean things they don’t

learn fucking stats or at least how they can hurt

As a wise man once said: There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.

(via squeaky)


captainsnoop:
“ scratchman:
“ omgtsn:
“ jellybeing:
“ marththebland:
“ that guy in the background is scaring the shit out of me
” ”
has it finally happened
”
I feel like the torchbearer of a long forgotten religion.
”
the cockmongler returns, it...

captainsnoop:

scratchman:

omgtsn:

jellybeing:

marththebland:

that guy in the background is scaring the shit out of me

image

has it finally happened

I feel like the torchbearer of a long forgotten religion.

the cockmongler returns, it feels like it’s been an eternity 

(via squeaky)


househunting:

after all that tiny house discourse it’s time for a lil inspiration post….these are things i’ve been posting on the househunting instagram lately! i’m also pretty active on Pinterest


verdite:

fortissimohno:

full offense but none of you would have ever survived fanfiction.net in 2009

image
image

(via hamburgerbasket)


ghostparachutes:

i made holographic shark stickers! i’m so in love!! they’re 5″ long and super reflective and shiny irl. i also have new shark pals sticker packs in my shop too if you wanna check it out :)

(via fallingthruspace)



darkandstormyslash:

fireandlifeincarnate:

look…………….. write as much shitty fic as you want. nobody can stop you. you’re learning constantly and it’s better to write hackneyed implausible ridiculousness than it is to not write at all out of fear of fucking up. you’re good

There was an experiment a professor did. I think it was pottery students. He did an experiment of “quality” vs “quantity”. One half of the class he told; you have to make as many pots as possible. Good pots, bad pots, shitty pots, whatever. The more pots you make, the higher your grade.

The other half of the class were told, “you can make only one pot”. But that pot had to be perfect. The quality had to be high; the highest quality pot would get the best mark.

But when it came to the grading, they noticed something weird.

All the best quality pots were in the ‘quantity’ group.

The guys who were literally churning out pots, trying to make as many as possible, not concentrating on the quality. But every pot they made, made them better at making pots. By the end of the month (I think it was a month) - they had some pretty awesome pots coming out, because they enjoying finding all the ways and all the things they could do to make all their pots. Where as the ‘quality’ guys had spent their time reading up on pots, and technique, and researching and planning; which was all great but they’d had no further practice at actually making pots.

The best way to get really good at something, the only way to be really good at something, is to make lots of shitty attempts at that thing several of which will fail. If all you create are perfect things then you won’t improve, because how can you improve on perfect?

tl:dr MAKE YOUR SHITTY POTS.

(via fallingthruspace)